We need to talk.
You'll have to trust me on this, but I've spent the last six months agonising about the decision I only took definitively last night - which I just mention because I don't want anyone to think this came easily. However, to cut to the chase, this evening's game at Osasuna is the very last one I'm planning to cover on the blog. Once we've tidied up a few loose ends - including a brief report of tonight's likely defeat, I guess - that's it for Forever Betis, I'm afraid. Nothing on the internet ever really dies, but from then on it'll be left to the weeds and the vandals, like a disused football ground.
I know that this will come as disappointing news for the dozens of incredibly loyal and supportive readers who have followed the blog over the last five years, but I've come to realise that it's all too much work to keep going simply because I feel guilty about letting you down. And the fact of the matter is that it has begun to feel like work over the past few months - and not just because Betis have been losing so pitifully so often. (In fact, given an averagely good season I might have stopped before now; I had an idea back in the autumn I wanted to go out on a high, but that kinda never arrived, did it?) Quite straightforwardly, it's just that more often than not these days, when I'm writing about Betis for you, I tend to be wishing I was doing something else instead. I guess I've just lost the drive.
The real, deep-down reason for that was confirmed to be last night, when I realised what little interest I had in watching the Barça-Atleti title decider. How can I be the proprietor of a Spanish football blog, I thought, when I really care so little about Spanish football? And I know, as 90 per cent of Béticos will tell you, that Real Betis Balompié is barely about the football at all, but it still makes me feel a little fraudulent when discussing upcoming opponents, prospective coaches, etc. I'm a Liga ignoramus these days, and fairly proud of it.
This wasn't always the case. In May 2009, during my first year in Seville, I was thrilled as anyone to watch Barcelona win 6-2 at the Bernabeu with an exhibition of football so intricate and devastating that I doubt I'll see anything like it again. But these days? After five years of having Messi's jock itch and Ronaldo's every eyebrow trimming analysed on every TV news programme 365 days of the year, I couldn't give a toss about El so-called Clásico. In fact, I go out of my way to find appropriately inappropriate things to do while the rest of the nation grinds to a standstill in front of their TV sets.
And this is a serious point, actually. In Spain, I've come to realise, football is run entirely for the benefit of the small group of middle-aged men who run TV companies, Barcelona and Real Madrid, and La Liga itself (with several gentlemen having fingers in more than one of the aforementioned pies). The fans? Don't make me laugh. You don't announce kick-off times with less than two weeks warning if you care about anyone watching the games. The sport itself? In which case, why perpetuate the ridiculous inequality in wealth between the Big Two and the rest?
Laughably, Marca ran a story the other day claiming a UEFA poll had declared La Liga to be the most attractive in Europe. Really? What do you think European fans like so much about it, then? The half-empty stadiums? The terrible referees? The uncompetitive games? The unfathomable kick-off times? The unidentifiable players at all but the top few clubs because a whole generation of brilliant Spaniard footballers have emigrated to England and Germany? All that poll really means, I'd hazard a guess, is that people enjoy watching Barcelona play Madrid as much as possible - which isn't surprising because, as two of the richest sports teams in the world they can afford the very best footballers. But that doesn't mean that Spanish football as a whole has much to recommend it.
I could go on, but I suspect you get my point. At times this season I've longed to able just to turn up at the Benito Villamarín without having to check beforehand who Betis are playing and feign interest in their recent form for the blog. Attending games at the Villamarín is still a joy - albeit less so in a losing season, obviously - and I'm absolutely planning to stay on in Seville next year and renew my season ticket and revel in the battle for promotion and all that, but I'm afraid I've lost interest in writing about the wider context. I just want to live Betis more and analyse them less, if that makes sense.
All that remains then is to offer my heartfelt thanks to all of you reading this now. When I started the blog in July 2009 I found it hard to imagine I'd have any actual readers, let alone a whole community of them, some of whom have become proper friends. So to everyone I've met - in particular Dan and Sam, Rob and Sam, Ahsan, Simon, Noel, Toni, Albin, Manchester City Andy, Emmanuel, Roman and no doubt more I've temporarily forgotten about - and some staunch supporters who I never have - especially Kent, Theresa, Linus, Ben, Birthe and Paddy - it's hard to put into words how grateful I am to you for all your kind words and continued encouragement. Your collective friendship really has been the single best thing about writing the blog and something I honestly never anticipated.
As I mentioned, I probably will have one or two more things to write up over the course of this week, so I won't say a proper goodbye just yet. And if anyone wants to use this space to publicise their own blog, or to announce the existence of an English-language forum or Facebook group, then be my guest. But I just thought you deserved an explanation as to why I feel my time doing this sort of thing has run its course.
When I started writing about Betis they'd just been relegated and faced an uncertain future, so in some ways you could say things have come full circle. It's been quite a ride.
Viva el Betis manquepierda!
